I have been working at Gatehouse for 2 and 1/2 years. When I was applying for the job I sent my friend the position description to see if she thought I should apply. She said yes but remember it will break your heart. I remember laughing thinking of course it will but I am tough, I've seen it all...pft I was so wrong.
Tonight I have a broken heart. A heart that aches for what was lost, what should have been and scared for what will become.
Statistically the woman I work with are 20% more likely to die before they are 40, 50% more likely to have mental illness, more likely to be raped and abused and almost all have had periods of homelessness and poverty. Jim, whom I work with says that they are so much closer to death than the average person that we cant be surprised when they die.
If was a reader of this blog and I read these stats and think oh how dreadful, but its not because of these facts that I have broken my heart.
It is the beautiful woman who I have come to know and love and their stories behind the statistics. They are as much a part of my story now as I am of theirs and it is hard not to carry the burden of their shattered lives.
Tonight I found it difficult to transition back into "normal" life. So difficult in fact that I yelled at the family, I love for no reason, left the dinner table and took a walk. As mocha and I walked in the dark I cried silent tears. Asking that God would help me carry the emotional burden that comes with working with those on the edge.
I love my job and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is what I am to be doing at this point. I am just struggling at the moment to cope. My emotional reserve is empty.