My Disordered Brain Part 2: The Dentist

Here we are again. Me and my disordered brain. Last night I had appointment with my psyc. Vicki is a softly spoken woman whom I know almost nothing about. She knows my deepest darkest thoughts, my fears and my failings.

Yesterday we talked about, amongst other things, my fear of going to the dentist. I am petrified. To the point I havent been for at least 7years despite having daily pain in my mouth and not being able to eat hard foods. Until yesterday Tilly had never been to the dentist and the others not for at least 7 years. Viki asked me would I prefer to have all my teeth ripped out and have false teeth instead. I said yes. Apparently that means my anxiety around dental procedures is as big as it gets.

Every time I think about going to the dentist I get thrown back to being 12, alone in the dentist chair having root canal with NO pain relief. The Dentist simply wouldn't believe that my tooth was not numb. I felt every needle that he inserted inside my tooth, felt the nerve of the tooth being ripped out and can I say it was worse than child birth in my 12 year old mind. He yelled at me and told me to be quiet that I was being naughty. Even slapped me on a couple of occasions.

So this post is to that 12 year old child who was alone scared and in much pain.

Dear 12 year old Louisa-Anne Meredith Skirving,

We are going to the dentist next Wednesday, we are taking our good friend Gemma with us so we wont be alone. We are going to let the dental hygienist that we are anxious to the point of being paralyzed. We are going to tell her and the dentist that we are afraid of not being listened to, of being in pain. That we need patience and understanding and if we say stop that is what we need.

When this all is done, we will be able to eat apples and steak and other things that need chewing and we wont wake up everyday in pain which will be a good thing. And it is likely that we will no longer scared of the dentist, also a good thing.

It will be ok.

Love

Grown Up Louisa-Anne Meredith Tew

xx