A bit about this blog

Over 4 years ago my family and I left the sleepy apple isle to live in the big smoke of Melbourne This blog is my take on our continuing attempt to Love with His great love those who we come into contact with on a daily basis, especially those who are less fortunate than ourselves. It is also about my struggle with mental illness and how I am trying to live in recovery

Friday, July 1, 2011

A Broken Heart

The last few weeks at Gatehouse have been particularly tough. I can not share the exact events because it would involve disclosing personal stories of others I do not have permission to share.

I have been working at Gatehouse for 2 and 1/2 years. When I was applying for the job I sent my friend the position description to see if she thought I should apply. She said yes but remember it will break your heart. I remember laughing thinking of course it will but I am tough, I've seen it all...pft I was so wrong.

Tonight I have a broken heart. A heart that aches for what was lost, what should have been and scared for what will become.

Statistically the woman I work with are 20% more likely to die before they are 40, 50% more likely to have mental illness, more likely to be raped and abused and almost all have had periods of homelessness and poverty. Jim, whom I work with says that they are so much closer to death than the average person that we cant be surprised when they die.

If was a reader of this blog and I read these stats and think oh how dreadful, but its not because of these facts that I have broken my heart.

It is the beautiful woman who I have come to know and love and their stories behind the statistics. They are as much a part of my story now as I am of theirs and it is hard not to carry the burden of their shattered lives.

Tonight I found it difficult to transition back into "normal" life. So difficult in fact that I yelled at the family, I love for no reason, left the dinner table and took a walk. As mocha and I walked in the dark I cried silent tears. Asking that God would help me carry the emotional burden that comes with working with those on the edge.

I love my job and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is what I am to be doing at this point. I am just struggling at the moment to cope. My emotional reserve is empty.